It’s pretty much fair to say that cooking with cannabis really is a pleasure to end all pleasures. Actually that’s not quite right – cooking with cannabis and summarily eating whatever the you come up with is the ultimate. Legalization of recreational cannabis in a variety of circles has led to the kind of gastronomic experimentation most of us thought we’d never see. And as time goes forward, the cannabis community in general is taking a greater interest than ever before in coming up with seriously impressive cannabis-based culinary delights.
Just as is the case in non-cannabis-based eating circles, there are certain grades and levels of cannabis food fanatics. There are those that are partial to the occasional edible, those that really can’t get enough of the thing and then there are those who are the outright ‘foodies’ of the cannabis world. What’s the difference? Well, let’s put it this way – the semi-official take on things states that foodie is in fact an acronym…one that stands for Frivolously Obnoxious Oddball Digesting Imprudent Edibles. Roughly translated, a food snob. What separates a genuine appreciator of cannabis cuisine from an outright pot-cooking nob? Quite a few things actually – most of which are exactly the same in the world of the traditional foodie.
So if you consider yourself to be something of a cannabis cuisine guru though worry you may have crossed the line into snobbishness, here’s a quick rundown of just a few signs and symptoms that you may indeed have become a cannabis food snob:
1 – You’re Hooked on Semantics
First and foremost, if you seem to go out of your way whenever possible to make the things you cook and eat sound posher than they really are, you’re a Grade-A candidate for sure. For example, if you’re adamant you haven’t made cannabis gravy for the past 20 years and always refer to it as ‘jus’, you have your answer. Pommes frites? Only if you’re a snob – they’re chips or fries to the rest of us. And when you’re running massively low and have nothing more than a few slices of ham and a bit of crusty cheese to stop you from starving, this does not constitute charcuterie. And no – every sauce you whip up with cannabis doesn’t have to be an emulsion or demi-glaze…especially when you clearly know it isn’t. Last but not least, referring to anything you cook in a different language just because it sounds better than it does in English is a big no-no.
2 – So Many Suffixes
Suffixes can also be quite massively annoying to those who aren’t quite as posh/pretentious when it comes to food. As far as you’re concerned, there is no middle ground whatsoever when it comes to the kinds of foods you are and aren’t willing to put near your oh-so refined palate. You’re not a fan of sushi, you’re a fully-fledged sushi-holic. Quinoa isn’t just something you like, you’re a hopeless quinoa-phile. And when you dine on a cannabis dish you simply cannot say enough nice things about, you talk about the bud-gasm going on in your mouth. Or words to that effect, anyway. It’s much easier just to say you like it, it tastes good and yes…you approve. Suffixes all the damn time though? No…stop it!
3 – Badges and Buzzwords
Chances are that your friends, family and those willing to be in your company already know your attitude to ingredients and cooking in general. You’re clearly decent with cannabis cuisine, otherwise they wouldn’t be coming back for more. Which in turn means you really, REALLY don’t have to continually try jazzing up your meals. First of all, they probably don’t give a damn that the ingredients were ‘locally sourced’ even if they were. Organic? They won’t taste the difference? Rustic? That just means it looks a mess. Deconstructed? Likewise…a mess. From bespoke to artisan to paleo to every other example besides, none of them will make your food taste better or make people like you more. Focus on the food – nothing else really matters.
4 – Obsessive Imagery
There’s a difference between occasionally taking a picture of a cannabis dish that blows your mind and habitually insisting on shooting every damn thing you cook and eat with the stuff. If you’re the type that cannot even imagine tucking into a bud dish without first sharing it with your 24 Twitter followers and however many Instagram users, you’ve crossed the line into snobbery. Likewise, if you spend more time staging your food for photographs than you actually spend enjoying it…oh dear. Bringing new ideas to the cannabis cooking world is important and encouraged. But only when it’s something new or remarkable – your pot Pop Tarts just aren’t.
5 – A Purge on Processed Food
Another sure-fire sign of snobbery is when you decide on an all-out purge on processed foods, despite the fact that you’d actually prefer to binge on them. Or worse still, you cut out and scorn the idea of processed foods, apart from when you decide to indulge and subsequently pretend you’re doing so ironically. You throw a load of cannabis oil on that takeaway pizza, snap a few pictures (see above) and let the world know how you’re ‘slumming it’ for mega-lolz. Even though you and everyone else know it’s the best damn thing you’ve eaten in months…which of course it is.
6 – Fad Following
Cannabis cooking tends to be open to exactly the same kinds of fads as every other type of conventional cooking. Which isn’t a good thing, to be honest. One week, you’re told by some twit behind a blog that you need to stop eating red meat right away and eat your bodyweight in kale. The next week, kale will kill you and nothing but mackerel should enter your fridge. And then it’s the caveman diet, the carb diet, the 5-2 diet and all the other garbage EVERY health expert on Earth tells you is pure BS. Still, as truffle oil is the fashionable flavour of the month, it makes it into literally every cannabis dish you cook up.
7 – Faking It
Another characteristic sign of a food snob in any kind of circle is pretending you like something, anything at all just because you think you should. You might be one of the millions of people worldwide that cannot abide olives. But as they’re so chic and Mediterranean and all, you load every cannabis concoction you produce with loads of them. The thought of choking down chicory makes you want to hurl, but as it’s the in-thing right now, you suddenly love it. Cooking with cannabis is all about making your favourites even better – not punishing yourself to try and win the approval of others.
8 – Constant Corrections
Just because you think you know more about cooking with cannabis doesn’t mean you should be constantly correcting everyone brave enough to eat with you. Of course, if they’re basically laying waste to pound after pound of bud by frying the hell out of it, feel free to educate them for their own good. But when it comes to what goes with what, strain flavour profiles and basically how to enjoy cannabis cooking, there’s really no right and wrong. You might think skunk and sage makes for a hellish mix, but it doesn’t mean you’re right. You might hate the idea of crumbling hash into a Pot Noodle, but this doesn’t give you the right to talk down at someone who does so daily. Share tips and experiences all you like – just try to avoid constant corrections and criticisms.
9 – Confused Questions
Despite the fact that you have no idea what you’re talking about, a sure-fire sign of snobbery is when you insist on asking all manner of contrived questions when buying ingredients. Was the cow that produced the beef grass-fed? Where does this cheddar come from? Is this olive oil from the first press? It’s not like you know if it makes any difference and even if you did, you’d never be able to taste the difference anyway. But as you’ve seen a fair few celebrity chefs asking these questions, you’ve started doing likewise…now stop it!
10 – Complication Is King
Last but not least, while it’s true to say that ultra-complicated cannabis dishes can be awesome, so too can the simplest recipes on Earth. As such, if you refuse to cook up a bud-laced grilled cheese simply because it’s too easy, you’re well into snob territory. Likewise, if you go out of your way to cook up ludicrously complex meals just for the sake of doing so, the same applies. Appreciating cannabis cuisine means appreciating it at all levels – the simplest staples often being the very best of all.